congratulations on your new housecarl
by KahnShao
Summary: Jet is a level headed khajiit dragonborn assigned Lydia as her Housecarl. But Lydia is not who she seems. How Can Jet keep sane and level headed when Lydia is well...batshit crazy? Oneshot rated T for mild swears. I own nothing except for my OC Jet


**Congratulations on your new Housecarl**

**The khajiit known as Jet'ago Del'mar or Jet for short had just acquired Lydia her Housecarl. Jet had just been called the Dragonborn and the Jarl of Whiterun had deemed it necessary to assign her a bodyguard. No matter. At least Jet would have someone to talk to on her journeys or when she was at home in Breezehome. Jet smiled at Balgruuf gratefully. The Jarl nodded back and called for Lydia. The nord woman stepped out confidently noting the khajiit's dark silky fur and amber eyes. She also noted that her Thane was well built. Lydia smiled slightly in greeting.**

"**Hello Lydia. My name is Jet'ago Del'mar but please call me Jet." she stated warmly. "pblpblpblpblghdyhgh." Lydia replied. Jet looked at the woman confused. "Excuse me?" 'Is she ok…?' Jet thought. "I am Lydia. I am swooorrrn to carry your burdens. I will guard you and all you own with my life. Psssssss." Lydia replied. "Oookaaay then." Jet said uncertainly. "Lets go home." "Lead the plkghgthg." Jet looked at the Jarl who looked apologetic. Jet sighed and went home. Upon entering she found her home already decorated nicely for free because she had gone the extra mile for the Jarl and performed a great service. (no its not what you are thinking).**

"**This is your room Lydia." Jet said kindly. Lydia loosed a squeal of joy and ran into her room looking at everything then she stopped and looked at Jet. "I have to poop." she stammered. Jet stared at her in disbelief. "Wh-what? Well then go…" Jet stated a bit uncomfortably. Lydia grinned and started to drop her leggings (I think that's what you call them) Jet stopped her before Lydia could squat. "NO LYDIA! Not there in the privy!" Jet shrieked. This sudded yell scared Lydia and before she new what happened four plops hit the floor. "PGHGHGHGHGH…" Lydia shrieked happily bounding passed her Thane into the next room proceeding to chew on a pillow. **

"**NO! LYDIA DO NOT EAT THE PILLOW. DON'T EAT IT!" Jet yelled when she saw the pillow between Lydia's teeth shaking her head back and forth like a dog does to its favorite chew toy." Jet removed the pillow from between the Housecarl's teeth and tossed it aside. She rubbed her temples. "Ughhh Im going to go buy some food. "You. Stay. Here. Stay." Jet spoke slowly making sure the words sunk in before leaving. 'By the devines I hope she doesn't eat the house.' Jet thought to herself. Jet went to the store happy to be rid of her not so sane Housecarl for the time being.**

**She met another friend of hers Keerava who was visiting from Riften. The argonian woman smiled warmly at the Khajjit. "Hey Keerava I need to get some food for me and my Houecarl Lydia. That woman is not right. Not right at all." Jet complained. Keerava sighed. "What's wrong with her?" she asked. Jet sighed. "What isn't? This is what she has done since I met her today."**

**1. When I introduced myself to her she made a weird "pblpblpblgh" sound.**

**2. She was saying "eeeeeeeeeee" all the way home in this low voice.**

**3. Flipped my ears inside out and said "old man ears"**

**4. Blew on my fur to see it "puff"**

**5 . Pulled my lips back and said "No gaps."**

"**and that was on the way ****home****. Then when we got home she did this and I swear it on my life she did this."**

**6. Said she had to poop and dropped her leggings. I told her no to go in the privy and I guess it scared her because she let four turds hit the floor.**

**6. Ran passed me and grabbed a pillow in her mouth and shook it back and forth as if she was going to eat the damned thing.**

**7. I went to grab it back and all of a sudden feathers were everywhere.**

**8. Did the "ghghghdghhg" noise again when I grabbed the pillow back.**

**Keerava looked a way for a moment to prevent herself from laughing herself into a coma. "Here's your food list and a box of Housecarl treats. Give her the treats when she behaves herself. Postitive training." Keerava muttered trying not to laugh. "Thanks." Jet growled her ears flattened against her skull. She stormed out.**

**Jet returned home irritated. When she opened the door the house was the shambles. Piles of torn pillow were everywhere and some poop piles and pee puddles. Jet struggled to remain calm. She opened the door to find 25 Lydias running toward her screaming "YAHGHGJGGHHGJGH"! all at the same time.**

**Jet screamed and backed away. As the Lydias closed in she found herself being shaken. **

"**My Thane are you alright?" a concerned and amused Housecarl asked. Jet's eyes focused on Lydia. It was a dream. Just a dream. "Lydia you didn't shit and piss on the floor, tear the crap out of a pillow…." Lydia shushed her Thane trying her hardest not to laugh. "No Jet. I use the privy when I have to go. And I don't chew on pillows." Jet breathed a sigh of relief.**

"**Then if I was dreaming why didn't you wake me up?" Jet asked relieved but annoyed as well.**

"**well… it was pretty funny to hear you make weird noises as you slept. I almost wet myself." Lydia replied letting a small chuckle escape.**

"**ASSHOLE!" Jet snarled throwing a pillow at her friend before laying back down relieved that Lydia was not insane.**

**Read and review constructive critisism welcome flames are not. **


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